i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
