just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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