3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Vodka?
Forever.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
