I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
