Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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