the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
