so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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