so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
