you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
