I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
