I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just want nice things and good sex
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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