had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
