Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
