I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
