i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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