I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
