i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
