Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
