my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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