Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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