I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
