Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
