My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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