Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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