Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
