Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
