Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize