New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
