Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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