i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
