The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My ass is underappreciated
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize