you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
