I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
