i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
