I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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