Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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