I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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