dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
