hotel room ftw
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize