question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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