Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
