they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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