Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
