It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
