After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
