Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
