I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
