I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it's like iHOP with fire
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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