you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
