Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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