I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
