i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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