It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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