Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
