he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
