I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize