btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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