the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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