I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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