my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
