PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
