Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
