Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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