he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Randomize
