Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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