one two three fourrrrnication!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize