To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
