Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
