And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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