I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
