it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize