My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
