girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
