Apparently you make a good broom.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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