I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize