a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Operation Purity has been aborted
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
