WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize