I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
