seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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