btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
