: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
