I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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