If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize