I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
