READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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