I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize