Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
