If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
