I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
