On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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