Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
