I'm going to jail i love you
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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