Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
