Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
