i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
