playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
