They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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