I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
