i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
