If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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