I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
