Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
