Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
