Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
