I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
