He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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