I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
