You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
