I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
