I wish my penis had an off switch
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
