I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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