whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
